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I used to measure the success of social interactions based on how happy the other person was. If I offended someone, I “failed.” But judgment is just a reflection of someone’s insecurities—not my problem. While I now know that good relationships don’t depend on agreement, but on both parties contributing to the “us box”, I still find myself agreeing with people to keep the peace. It feels fake. So instead of measuring outcomes, which I can’t control, I am going to start measuring my actions.

To do this, I need to ask myself better questions. Instead of “Did I offend them?” I should ask “Did I act with kindness and compassion? Did I listen and try to understand their point of view? Was I true to myself?” While offending someone may indicate that I am not acting with integrity, it should serve as a reminder to reflect, and not a measurement of success. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to argue every time I disagree with someone—I’ll stand up for issues that matter, and let everything else slide. And now that I’ve clearly defined my mindset, I can work on implementing it.